Discernment Counseling

What is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is a specialized form of counseling designed for couples noticing the need for decisions about divorce or separation but possessing uncertainty about their future. Discernment counseling demonstrably assists couples in fostering clarity, making well-informed decisions, and taking strides toward reconciliation or an amicable separation.

Discernment Counseling thoroughly comprehends that couples grappling with this situation often exhibit mixed emotions, ambivalence, and a foggy understanding about their planned direction. Hence, discernment counseling focuses on serving the specific needs of these couples and individuals. Its primary goal is to facilitate exploration of potential options, foster a better understanding of underlying issues, and grasp the dynamics of their relationship.

The strength of discernment counseling is that it presents an unbiased platform for couples to deliberate, unpack their thoughts, and make fitting decisions about their future. Whether leaning toward separation or working through complex emotions, discernment counseling proves to be a vital tool.

What is the process of Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling typically involves a series of structured sessions, attended individually and as a couple. This approach is provided by highly trained therapists who understand the complexities of relationship dynamics, emotional ambivalence, and the challenges faced by couples experiencing uncertainty about their marriage.


Initially, the therapist helps each partner explore their motivations, expectations, and concerns regarding the relationship. These individual sessions enable the therapist to understand each person's perspective better and identify common themes or recurring patterns.
The couple then attends joint sessions with the therapist after the individual sessions. These sessions focus on fostering open and honest communication, enhancing empathy, and understanding each other's experiences and emotions. The therapist also aims to create a safe and non-judgmental space for the couple to express their fears, hopes, and concerns.

What Can We Expect with the outcomes of Discernment Counseling?


A significant aspect of Discernment Counseling, commonly known as discernment counseling for couples, centers on navigating through three paths for the relationship during each session. These paths constitute an integral part of discernment counseling questions:

  1. Continuation of the relationship just as it is, often explored in marriage discernment counseling.

  2. Pursuit of divorce or separation is a common topic in divorce discernment counseling.

  3. Commitment to a six-month rigorous work on the relationship is a key component of discernment marriage counseling.

This exploration method through orienting discernment counseling questions empowers couples to make informed decisions. It provides a deeper understanding of their options and potential outcomes, thus enhancing the scope and efficacy of discernment counseling. Notably, discernment marriage counseling and divorce discernment counseling aid in decision-making through their focused attention on each path, unique to the couple's circumstances.

What are the goals of discernment counseling?

Discernment therapy aims to help couples who are considering divorce or struggling in their marriage to gain clarity about their relationship and make the best decision for both partners. The goal is not to save the marriage or fix problems, but rather to support each individual in understanding their options and potential outcomes.

What is the success rate of discernment Counselling?

The success rate of discernment counseling can vary depending on individual circumstances and factors such as the level of commitment from both partners. However, research has shown that it can greatly benefit couples by increasing their understanding of the situation and providing a safe space for communication. The discernment counselor plays a crucial role in guiding both partners to navigate through the complexities of their decision and collaboratively envision the unfolding of the divorce process. By providing support and facilitating constructive communication, the counselor helps pave the way for a more cooperative and amicable divorce trajectory.(Doherty & Harris, 2017).

Success looks different in discernment therapy because the goal is not to stay together per se; the goal is to find the best choice: work on the relationship, separate or divorce, or keep the relationship the same. So, to answer the question, does discernment counseling work? The short answer is yes. Typically, the results are roughly even to divorce or do couples counseling, with a few that choose to stay in the relationship as is.

What is a discernment session look like?

A typical discernment session involves both partners meeting with a trained counselor who will guide them through a series of questions designed to explore their relationship, possible paths forward, and how each partner feels about these options.

Throughout the process, the therapist guides the couple to explore their individual motivations, personal growth opportunities, and the impact of their relationship choices on themselves and their children, if applicable. The therapist remains neutral and does not advocate for any specific outcome but instead seeks to facilitate effective decision-making and promote self-awareness. At VitalMinds Counseling, we have a discernment counselor for this specific relationship challenge. Not all couples counselors are educated in discernment couples therapy. It may be hard to find "discernment counseling near me," but at VitalMinds, we offer online discernment counseling to make this process easier.

Man and woman standing apart

What are the goals of Discernment Counseling?

The primary goal of Discernment Counseling is to help couples gain clarity and make a confident decision about the future of their relationship. Through the counseling process, couples will:


1. Foster understanding: Gain insight into the causes of dissatisfaction, unresolved conflicts, and emotional disconnection.
2. Promote empathy: Develop empathy and compassion for each other’s perspectives and experiences.
3. Enhance communication: Improve communication skills and effectively express thoughts, needs, and emotions.
4. Deepen self-awareness: Become more aware of personal patterns, expectations, and areas for individual growth.
5. Explore options: Understand the different pathways available and the potential outcomes of those choices.
6. Facilitate healing: Heal from past wounds, resentments, and emotional pain to move forward constructively.
7. Strengthen co-parenting: Improve co-parenting skills and support the well-being of children, if applicable.
8. Preserve marriage if feasible: Provide an opportunity for couples to explore the possibility of restoring their relationship if both partners are committed to that aim.

Can Discernment Counseling save my marriage?

The Discernment Counseling approach is primarily designed to help couples make a decision about their marriage rather than explicitly focusing on saving or ending the marriage. By creating a space for open and honest exploration, couples can gain the clarity needed to make an informed choice that is best for them and their relationship.


While Discernment Counseling does not guarantee a specific outcome, it often provides a valuable opportunity for couples to understand their relationship dynamics more deeply, improve communication skills, and explore the potential for reconciliation. For some couples, this counseling process has led to the restoration and revitalization of their marriage. For others, it has provided clarity and closure, enabling them to move forward in an amicable manner.


Ultimately, Discernment Counseling aims to support individuals and couples through a challenging phase of their lives, promoting emotional well-being and helping them find a path towards a more fulfilling and authentic future, whether that involves staying together or separating. If you need to decide what path to go towards, reach out today to one of our Discernment Couples counselors or schedule online today!